The Most Pressing Issues of our Time

After being sick and not posting for almost a week I have a few issues to talk about.  Now these issues are not for the faint hearted.  The first I read in the local newspaper today which was the second time I have heard this story in a week.  The second I heard earlier this week and I proceeded to do some research finding out it was indeed true.

I’ll start with this, a picture of the future as I see it when issues like this get tossed around.  I’m heading into any local public restroom.  The dinner I had the night before was a classic, franks and beans.  The purpose of my visit with to the restroom is to alleviate myself of some pesky flatulence rightly incurred from last nights dinner.  After I have accomplished my task and I’m ready to leave the restroom a security guard at the door states that I have been fined or taxed for excessively releasing methane gas into the atmosphere.  Now you say, “What the heck is he talking about?”  I’ll tell you.  It might be a little far fetched to take it as far as I did, but the crazies are at it again and someone, somewhere, had a brilliant idea to think about taxing owners of cows for the release of climate changing methane gas into the atmosphere.  Yes you read it right,  the headline should read Cows Get Taxed for Having Gas.  I wish I could meet the person who initially thought of this brilliant idea.  I can just see them wearing their save the whales t-shirt, chained to a tree waiting to be cut down.

OK, maybe that was a little harsh calling environmentalists crazy tree hugging whale savers but making a stink about cow gas is going a little to far.  Oh and if you didn’t know, that to the left is a picture of Cynthia McKinney the Green party’s most recent presidential candidate.  So…maybe crazy isn’t that far off.  The Environmental protection agency does say that a cow tax isn’t on the books, but it was mentioned and that means it is on the mind of a crazy somewhere out there just waiting to try to make it happen.  It just might not be such a bad idea to buy some stock in the manufacturer of Beano.

The second issue I heard about is just as important as the dreaded cow tax.  When I started reading the story I was appalled.  How could this happen?  Who would so such a thing?  What is the world coming to?  Eventually I found out, yes it was the dreaded beavers that did it.  Some people are just plain pitiful.  They have nothing better to do than jump to conclusions and raise issues about the dumbest things.  Here’s the brief but full story as written by Emily Garnham for express.co.uk

GREEN campaigners called police after discovering an illegal logging site in a nature reserve – only to find the culprits were a gang of beavers.  Environmentalists found 20 neatly stacked tree trunks and others marked with notches for felling at a beauty-spot in Subkowy, northern Poland.
But when officers followed a trail left by a tree which had been dragged away, they found a beaver dam right across the river as reported by the Austrian times.  A police spokesman said: “The campaigners are feeling pretty stupid. There’s nothing more natural than a beaver.”

I love it!  Um sir, is was a group of highly skilled beavers that are running this illegal logging operation, it’s kind of what they do.  I wish I could have been there to laugh at them.  Maybe take a look around next time and notice the trail to the big fat beaver dam.  Or if you love nature so much, you should probably know what big fat beaver teeth marks look like in a big fat tree stump. They probably already had signs made up protesting the logging of innocent trees when they heard the news of their idiocy.  I hope the beavers watch out or the crazies will get them.

So these are actually pressing issues for some people.  Cow gas and illegal beaver logging.  I only wish some individuals cared about other people as much as they cared about these issues.

Oh, and I don’t think all environmentalists are crazy, I recycle, and I liked the movie Free Willy.  But seriously I couldn’t have made up these ridiculous stories if I tried.